Welcome to StrugLife♥LoveLife: the blog where I plan revisit the past five years of my love life fiascos as entertainment for the masses. This is the place I'll be posting the stories that made even MY friends, the queens of loud mouth debauchery, completely speechless. Granted, those silences only lasted for a few seconds before an eruption of profanity exploded from the collective group, but still.
By the time I was nineteen, I'd gone through two epically awful breakups back-to-back. At the time, I basically figured that they would be the lowest points of my love life. Little did I know, the next four and a half years would prove that those shitshows were just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. And who's proud? We're barely in the second paragraph in the first post and I've already literally typed the words 'just the tip'... pause for appropriate applause.
My friend Adam really summed it up the best a few years back when we were talking about class schedules. I mentioned that I was taking 'Sociology of Deviance' and without missing a beat, he asked if it was an actual class or just a case study of the guys I'd dated. Sidenote: lit majors have jokes for days.
Anyways, this will be that case study :) an in-depth investigation of the ridiculously attractive (yet morally bankrupt) parade of Peter Pans that I've met along the way. Let's get started:
First off, ex-boyfriends, flings or randoms... do not be too terrified. Things could be much worse. You could have dated Taylor Swift who, although awesome in her curly-headed glory, names ACTUAL names. All of your names have been changed to protect not only your reputation, but my own. Besides, most of you have nicknames that were bestowed on you by my smartass friends from Day1 and really, it's much more entertaining to refer to you as 'Chicken Cutlet boy' or 'Sir Bounces A Lot'... or my personal favorite: 'Dazzle McEmoPants'
Secondly, speaking of those clever bitches, a big THANK YOU to all of my friends for putting up with all of these crazies through all these years. Special thanks to: Carly, Nae, Zae, Abby, Lauren, Tanya, Britt, Rosemary, Claire, Casady, Brooke, Lib. I promise at some point I will have a love life story to tell you guys that doesn't start with "so THIS motherfucker..."-but until then, you gotta admit, it's pretty entertaining. After all, you guys are always my best audience. You nail every single disgusted gasp, deeply felt sigh, burst of profanity and my personal favorite: silence, rolled eyes and a palm to forehead motion all the while muttering, "You really just need to start a blog, this shit is too crazy"
:) I started one. You're all welcome.
Also, ex-boyfriends who are still concerned about what I may write (considering that I received THREE separate text messages within 20 minutes of a Facebook post saying I was going to start this blog), read the disclaimer and remember:
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